Overheard at the Craps Table by Frank Scoblete

Seven out! Let me have a yo-eleven! Hey, don’t push. Shooter on the come out. Can I get you anything, sir? Miss, oh, miss. Point is four. Bet the hard four. Anyone want the hard four? Give me a rum and Coke; soft on the Coke! Coffee, miss. Hard eight? No one’s on the hard eight. Get your damn hands off the table. Okay, watch your hands, shooter’s got the dice. Three! Three! Is that your come bet, sir? You have to get it out of the field, sir. It was a field. he says it was a field. Then why was it half on the come?

I wasn’t watching. Stop slowing down the game. It’s a very easy game really. You see these people are all hoping that the seven won’t be rolled. That’s it, honey. Shooter’s got the dice. Hey, get your bets down early. Watch your damn hands. No roll! Dice off the table. Same dice. Where’s the dice? Die, one dice is a die. He wants the same dice. What is he looking for? What is it the combination to the safe, let’s get playing.

Shooter’s got the dice. Can I get in here? There’s supposed to be room for six on a side. Do you see room? Let the man in. Sir, there’s plenty of room. Hey, don’t push me, this is my lucky spot. Yeah, he always losses from there. His luck is all bad.

Who wanted the coffee? Coffee? She’s gone. I’ll take the coffee. The rum and coke is mine. Shooter’s got the dice. Watch your hands. Seven out! Pay the don’ts, take the line. I told you you idiot to watch your hands. I mean the guy keeps putting his hands down. Stop pushing alright? There’s room for six here. I’m not moving this is my lucky spot. Sir, you have to let him in.

New shooter on the come-out. Give me a yo-eleven. Any craps. Just pick two dice sir. There’s more coke than rum in this. Let the lady in. Honey, you’re going to roll the dice when this guy sevens out. Sir, just select two dice. Why’s he keep banging them against the wall? Shooter on the come out! Seven! Winner seven! Pay the pass, take the don’t. Why doesn’t that moron go to another table? This is for right bettors. I hate don’t players. So do I. Yeah, I hope he dies. That’s dice. Two dies is, are, dice. Shooter’s got the dice. If that guy puts his hands down one more time I’m cutting them off at the wrist.

Six. The point is six. Anyone want a hard six? Hard six! Bet the hardways. Bet those hardways. Now, you see, the hardways are not a good bet. Ooh, it looks so complicated. It isn’t. Shooter’s got the dice, watch your hands. Eight. Easy eight. Give me the six and eight for $60 each. Two-way hard four - five and one. Dealers on the hard four. Thanks for the bet, sir. Shooter’s got the dice. Hey, don’t disturb the shooter. Are you shooting dear? Yes. Seven out! Pay the don’t, take the line.

Now, honey, don’t be nervous. You just have to hit the back wall. I’ll put the bet down, you roll. New shooter on the come-out. Give me a yo-eleven. Brand new shooter. Take two dice and now throw them down the table. Go for it. No roll! No roll! Both dice off the table! Did I do something wrong? Ask for same dice! Don’t take those. It doesn’t matter which dice she takes. It matters. New shooter on the come out. Coffee? Juice? Yeah, rum and coke...no coke. Nine! Nine’s the point. Hardways? Anyone want the hardways? Anyone else? Give me a Bud. I’ll have a screw driver. Give me a stack of black chips. Place the six and eight for $120 each.

Shooter’s got the dice. Watch your hands. Nine! Winner nine! Take the don’ts, pay the line! Alright, we got a lucky shooter! Same good shooter on the come out! Give me a yo-eleven. Am I doing alright? Great, great. Shooter’s got the dice, watch your hands. Nine! Shooter’s point is nine. Hard eight! Give me a whirl. Give me $64 across! Shooter’s got the dice. Watch your hands. Six. Six the hard way. Nobody on the hard six. They go in pairs. Anyone want the hard six? Hard six! Shooter’s got the dice. Too tall to call! No roll! Just drop it on the table, sir. Shooter’s got the dice. Watch your hands. Tee-welvvvee craps! Boxcars! They travel in pairs. Anyone want that 12? Pays 30 to one! Twelve! Twelve it is, sir. Shooter’s got the dice. Watch your hands. Come on baby, just one time! One time! Four! Easy four! Buy the four for $35. Shooter’s got the dice! Watch your hands. Four! The hard way! Hard four! Same bet? Same bet! Give me $44 inside. Give me an Any Seven. Shooter’s got the dice. Hey, he’s throwing the money...don’t throw the money down, she’s shooting, you idiot! Seven out! Pay the don’ts, take the line. You stupid moron! The dice hit the money! That stupid moron! New shooter on the come out.

Who gets the Bud? Where’d he go? Screwdriver? Where did everybody go? Mis’am, I get the, ah, rum with no coke, hiccup! Anybody want to shoot? How about you, sir? You don’t want to shoot from the don’t? Ma’ is ma, I’ll, have another rum, no coke. So, we all went to Jenny’s after work Tuesday and this guy....