Startling New Predictions for 2007
By Frank Scoblete
Melissa Kaplan will return next week with her regular "Current News" column but with the New Year here I have heard some incredible, unimaginable, unbelievable news coming from my spies in all of the big companies – and I mean BIG companies – companies with so many suits they could open a Men’s Warehouse clothing store. I am so excited to share all these 2007 predictions with you because you have a right to know. So here goes:
Did you know that the Harrah’s properties, nationwide, even if they are sold in 2007, are going to offer the best games imaginable? So predicted one of their senior executives after chugging a dozen Belvedere martinis. This executive also predicted that pigs would learn how to fly in 2007 as well.
Donald Trump has announced that he is tired of the same old stupid 6-deck and 8-deck Atlantic City blackjack games and might turn back the clock to the late 1970s single-deck games with great rules. The Donald also said he is tired of his stupid looking hair and might "go natural" in 2007 too – the way he did in the 1970s.
Steve Wynn has decided to give all his dealers raises and to stop the sharing of their tips with the floor supervisors. Citing the fact that he is a billionaire, Wynn is thinking of giving all his dealers a thousand dollar a week raise. Mr. Wynn also claims that in 2007 snowballs will not melt in hell.
MGM-Mirage has decided to loosen up their comps. One executive said he is thinking of offering free rooms at Bellagio because all players should be able to feel good about themselves. This executive also said that his medication has helped him not to talk to the other people who live inside his head.
Station Casinos has absolutely no plans for 2007. According to one casino executive since the adherents of the "dune rock prophecy" have predicted the end of the world in 2007 what is the point in living? This executive doesn’t even work for Station Casinos but he was feeling psychic that day.
All the casinos in Tunica will go back to the friendly, excellent games and treatment of players that they had before Hurricane Katrina. The Horseshoe will once again become the best table-games casino in America. This will happen on the same day in 2007 that all the terrorists of the world decide that killing and maiming are not good and they lay down their arms and there is peace on earth and good will towards men – and women.
The Claridge Casino in Atlantic City will fire any pit boss or floorperson who yells at a craps shooter in 2007. Also a cow will jump over the moon.
Happy New Year everyone and may 2007 bring you health, happiness and large winnings.
GTCer Metafast rolled a 79-roll hand in December 2006. Congratulations! The Poster of the Month for November 2006 on our private board was Travelin’ Marilyn. Both Skinny and Carl received Post of Distinction awards as well.
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